one week. what the crap?

I’m here trying to get my head around having one more week in Tanzania,
with the desire to stay forever tugging oh so hard on my heart. I
really like it here, the slow pace, the friendliness, the ease at
which each day i learn something whether it is a new swahili word- my
vocab is steadily growing- or the desperation with which women ask for
money for a picture, or the simple way of life. I have mastered
washing clothes by hand and really enjoy doing it. I have thought that
i might continue the process in my bathtub when i move home, though i
will use proper detergent rather than the dove bar soap that i use
here for lack of anything proper. I will miss the children who run
after me, and not miss the struggle of being asked to pay school fees
and lunch fees just because i am white. I will miss the timid hand of
a student in my school that sneakily reaches out to touch my hair,
different from theirs and unlike anything they have ever touched. (I
have pretty soft hair if i say so myself.... at least when it is
clean) I will miss the thrill of hot water when i take the time to
boil a kettle to use only to rinse the soap off my body and nothing
more... and the feel of hanging my freezing head under freezing water
of a tiny spicket to wash it. I will miss Fanta passion sodas.... with
great passion. I am learning that while I enjoy teaching, I may not be
the best at it... or I just take it very personally when i teach
something 5 times and still the majority of my students get it
incorrect on the exam. I am motivated by those who want to learn. I
cherish the throws of kids who run at me in the school yard when i
take my camera out and the crazy songs i have learned. I have been
reminded yet again about how fortunate I am, and again disgusted at my
way of life and those around me. Our family got a new dvd player last
night. not because they ever use the one they already have or that the
one they already have is broken, but just because this one just came
in straight from the uk. I was appalled. and then i thought about how
often this happens in the states, and in my own life. my stomach
turns.

I know I will be back to Africa. And i very much see myself here for
an extended period of time. and though i have always said that, now
that i have lived here for 2 months, the desire is even stronger, the
fears are somewhat quelled (is that even the right word.. or use of
the word? ), and i just want to do it. So. there we go. i dont want to
leave.

and i dont even know what ive said here, but whatever it was, it was what i was thinking in an email to a dear old friend so its straight true.
and this computer is hating me, so there you go
nakupenda sana.
nitakuona soon.